Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. Hemlock is poisonous. Don't eat it.
Introducing the newest greatest herbal product on the market today; fast acting, all natural hemlock. Known since ancient times, hemlock was used by the great Greek philosopher Socrates. Hemlock is guaranteed to help alleviate all sorts of health problems. It’s like a breath of fresh air, reminding you how precious life is. Don’t be fooled by those synthetic, laboratory made drugs and artificial vitamins. Don’t be a victim of the side effects that pharmaceutical companies don’t want you to know about.
Franken-foods are invading our grocery stores. The list of artificial laboratory creations in today’s pharmaceuticals is frightening. Artificial chemicals are everywhere in our foods and medicines. There is no need to put all these artificial substances into our bodies. Nature has provided human beings with every thing we need. As people learn more, the organic foods and herbal remedies sections of the grocery store are becoming ever more popular. Natural products help to keep your body all natural and healthy. Keep your body all natural, with all natural hemlock. People just like you are
experiencing the effects of all natural hemlock. Hard working people concerned about their health are finding hemlock to be natures answer to their prayers. The people who form the backbone of this country are finding that hemlock gives you more! You know the importance of avoiding harmful chemicals and preservatives. Health conscious people like you need hemlock, the amazing all natural herbal supplement.
We all know the political leanings of the President and his FDA appointee. They’re in bed with big business. The pharmaceutical companies donated huge amounts to the President’s election campaign; and look at the mass of new drug approvals to come out recently. Intelligent people like you know why those drugs were approved. Don’t trust your health to Washington politics. Look at Vioxx, how many people have died from this laboratory created pharmaceutical? It’s one more example of big business calling in its favors from the last election. If your doctor gives you a prescription for anything, just remember what happened to those who took Vioxx. The medical establishment just wants to sell you their latest toxic potion. On the other hand you know how good for you all natural foods are. Everything else you put in your body should also be all natural. Natural remedies work with your body, the way nature intended. Don’t be the last one in your neighborhood to experience the amazing effects of this all natural herb.
People around the world are taking hemlock. It’s the fastest growing herbal supplement on the market today. The world is discovering fast acting, all natural hemlock. Don’t be left out. Get yours now! Throughout the world life spans are getting longer and people are experiencing greater quality of life. The world is waking up to all natural cures and supplements such as hemlock. No right thinking individual would reject the claim that all natural things are good for you. It’s a well know fact that artificial ingredients are a leading cause of cancer and other major illnesses. You can avoid these unnatural, manmade poisons by using all natural products like fast acting hemlock. Either something is all natural or it’s not. Either something is good for you or it’s not. If it has artificial ingredients, it’s not natural. If it contains synthetic chemicals it’s not natural. If it comes from a lab it’s not natural. If it’s nature’s own creation, without artificial poisons, insecticides, or hormones, then it’s all natural. Hemlock is all natural; nothing artificial. Remember, if it isn’t all natural, you don’t want it.
Well known celebrities are praising the miraculous effects of all natural hemlock. America’s top entertainers are calling hemlock “the best thing I ever tried, you won’t believe the results.” The growing list of testimonials from people just like you is growing by the day. People just can’t stop raving about the wonderful effects of all natural, fast acting hemlock. One satisfied customer wrote us proclaiming “ever since I introduced hemlock to my husband, my life has been virtually stress free! Hemlock works so well that there is a line out the door of people eager to endorse it. Third world political leaders admit they owe their success to hemlock. Well known naturopathy doctors are revealing that hemlock is one of the most popular supplements among their terminally ill patients. The evidence is overwhelming; you need hemlock. Fast acting, all natural hemlock is nature’s gift to humanity.
Lemming Herbs Inc. does not endorse suicide by poison or any other means.
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